Would you be the LAST love of my life?

Submitted by tommi on 30. September 2010 - 22:51

Dating can lead to life-long love story. What can make love last when feelings come and go? Nuotta and people, who have experienced dating, give advice.

Some stop dating as soon as the infatuation fades. When two besotted people start being together, the other one appears to be perfect, but the rose-tinted spectacles dim surprisingly fast. Again the other is late, without washing the teeth, never remembers to call and friends seem to always be priority no. 1. If one is dating only for the sake of dating, goodbyes come fast, when the loved one starts to annoy and the dream companion turns out to be an imperfect person.

That is why dating aimed at life-long love story demands more. It is accepting the other as he or she is. It is a decision to love, even though one might have to fight for it.

Infatuation is a feeling, love is a choice. In the right relationship planned by God, that choice is finally made on the altar. “I do” is said for the first and at the same time for the last time. A marriage is a promise to spend the rest of your life with one person – and only one.

When you have chosen to love, you only have to learn to do it. Getting older doesn't necessarily make you better at it. The most difficult time to love is when the other hurts you deeply. That is why “I love you” doesn't make Romeos and Juliets, but “Forgive me”.

Love also doesn't exist without genuineness and knowing the heart of the other. And definitely not without the perfect Love, Jesus. Because Jesus has first loved us, we can learn to love one another. God attaches two people as one.

Be genuinely you

  • Genuineness is that you don't have to keep up a facade and don't feel pressure with the other. Sooner or later, what is under the surface will come up. When you trust the other, you have the courage to be yourself. There will be hard days at times, but the more you know the other, the easier it is to be honest. Honesty is learning together: to sit down together and discuss about the bad things as well.

  • A relationship doesn't work without 100% trust.

Ilkka and Elina Kujala, married for 1 year.

Talk about everything

  • Talking with one another is very important from the very beginning. By talking you can find out how the other one feels and what is on. You can start by talking about small things ans build up the friendship little by little – until you can talk about everything. It isn't always easy for us either, when there are difficult things, like disagreements or uncertainty.

  • Talking together takes you forward!

Ville Tuukkanen and Maija Hammaren, engaged.

Forgive

  • Forgiving can be really hard sometimes, especially when the other has messed up in something really important to me. Nevertheless, it's worth it, because without forgiveness there is no working relationship. When you forgive, you must mean it. And not only to forgive but to try to forget as well and not bring up the old issue in the next disagreement.

  • Forgiveness is the living condition for a relationship.

Joonas and Petra Uuspelto, married for almost two years.

Faith unites

  • The love between two people strengthens when God is in it as a third. You can share the most important thing in life and tell all things together to the Heavenly Father, both joys and sorrows. And when you're tired, you know that the other one carries you and prays for you.

  • Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Juhani and Seija Handroos, married for 27 years

True love waits

  • We have decided to abstain from sex before marriage, because we believe it to be in accordance to God's word. Without the Bible you know that sex break a person, when the relationship doesn't last. Many believers also part before marriage.

  • Waiting often feels challenging, when thoughts start to fly. Then at least one has to pull oneself together. Clear boundaries help. We avoid for example wearing scanty clothing.

  • A dating relationship is not founded on physical intimacy, but learning to know the other's heart.

Matti Kurki and Laura Tuomi, dating.

Text by Susanna Sarimaa
Translation by Eeva-Maija Aaltonen